Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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