Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
