her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
