It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
