She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
