I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
