All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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