all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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