no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
