His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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