I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
