Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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