The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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