GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
