If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Houston, we have a blender
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
