I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
