haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
