how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
