maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
