my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
