so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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