when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
