Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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