iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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