make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I want her autograph on my taint
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
