He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
