I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
tell me about the eggs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
