apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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