I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
