Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
