we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
