I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
