You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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