In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
