You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
