Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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