His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
