Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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