I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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