these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
