At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
