Can i not drive my cunt home
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
