I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
