I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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