I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
