I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
