i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
