Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
