Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
