Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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