i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Are we still banned from the library?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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