so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
