we made out on top of his cat.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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