You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
