I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
