I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
