Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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