if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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