I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
