he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
