I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
