All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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