You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
