ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Please, let me fuck your mom
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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