so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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