Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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