I wanna bring you to show and tell
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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