Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
