There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
