Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
