I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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