sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
