he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
