What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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