look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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