So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
