I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ttyl tear gas
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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