Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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