The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
