dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
